OCD (the Elephant in the Room)

I thought I could keep up the consistent dedication required for daily posting. False.

But I thought about you, alot.

I had a lengthy conversation with Dad-to-Z regarding OCD yesterday. As I start packing for our two week or so vacation to Maui. Oddly enough the conversation wasn't about my pre-washing and pre-packing Lil'Z's stuff two weeks prior to leaving.

Over the first to second month of Lil'Z's bedtimes, I developed a bedtime routine that I looked at in a brief but searing flash of unbiased outside light yesterday.

I might be seven lightswitch flicks away from full OCD.

The steps of "the routine" have gradually become a ritual to me similar to that of the batter box rituals of Nomar Garciaparra or the detested Derek Jeter (that's right, his royal smugness aka king-s$#%-of-turd-mountain).

There's no stretch to me equating these rituals. I feel I could practically be out there (not with Jeter, yuck, I typed his name again) high-fiving Garciaparra as he trots over home-plate post out-of-the-park and saying, "yep, it was all in the second re-fasten and the timing was seamless". And he would say to me, "8.5 solid hours, nice, it was all in the perfect temperature/positioning of the hot water bottle and your smooth stair climb was classic".

Home-run or to get a wee baby to fall asleep easily and dream happily with her little kitten snores all through the night.

Long story short.

Dad-to-Z and I, driving along in the car at last night (we do our best sorting out there). I said, "I just don't think you take the steps seriously enough. The other day the bassinet was not pushed up against the bed correctly, the wrong light was on and you had the hot water bottle only on the bottom sheet but not covered by the top sheet so it wasn't warmed. And the gromits on her sleep sack were cold."

I could hear myself and remained silent. Vunerable. The true depth of the details exposed.

The man, bless his heart, said the following...

"I can guarantee you if she doesn't sleep through the night, it's not because you did something wrong. It's because she has a cold, or she's teething, or she just didn't feel like sleeping all night. We will wake up together and figure it out".

Sigh. So simple.

That being said she is growing out of her bassinet. Or has outgrown it, as it's only weight-rated to 18lbs. So when we get back, she has to sleep in her crib in her nursery. I can already see making myself a bed on the floor beside it.